


Never Felt That Type of Fear

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, the rating might be too careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16001789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: The night after Valentine's massacre is not a peaceful one for Alec





	Never Felt That Type of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up from a nightmare last night feeling out of breath and naturally my fic addicted ass went "how to turn this into fic idea".

_ He’s running, the halls of the Institute stretching on forever. There’s bodies on the ground, faceless bodies, bodies of his friends and acquaintances - so many bodies and so much death. _

_ He keeps searching but he can’t find him, he’s not in the mass of bodies that are being cleared from the floors and it’s a relief but it doesn’t feel like it because Alec can’t find him. He was in the Institute, Clary said he was. Alec wants to find him but he doesn’t want to find him because what if he finds him dead?  _

_ No no no that can’t happen, Magnus can’t be dead. Alec turns another corner but the hallway looks just the same as the one he ran down a moment ago. He turns another corner, and another, and another, and he swears he was running on the higher floor just a second ago but now he’s nearing the main entrance and he turns the last corner to reach the front door and that hallway is full of bodies too, similar to the others but so so different because Alec recognizes these bodies, he recognizes those clothes.  _

_ It’s Magnus, it’s  a dozen bodies and they are all Magnus. He looks pale, he looks lifeless and he looks so so wrong. Alec falls to his knees next to the closest body, turns the body over and sees the face of his boyfriend, the gold eyes looking vacantly somewhere far, somewhere Alec can’t save him from.  _

_ “No, no. no,” Alec keeps saying, because this is wrong Magnus is always so warm but the hand Alec’s holding is cold as ice and it feels like the coldness is spreading to Alec’s heart because Magnus is dead and there’s nothing Alec can do. _

_ He turns another body, maybe that one is the real Magnus maybe that one is alive but it isn’t it’s just as cold and just as lifeless and Alec wants to scream but he can’t because it feels like someone is gripping his throat. _

_ Alec is shaking he’s shaking so hard and it’s hard to breathe and he’s shaking -  _ no wait, someone is shaking him.  

First thing Alec pays attention to when he wakes up is how hard it still is to breathe. He’s breathing heavily, but it feels like the air gets lost in its way to his lungs, the pressure in his ribcage making it impossible for his lungs to expand.

Second thing he notices are the tears running down his cheeks. 

Third is the man leaning over him, a look of worry on his face.

That makes a fresh set of tears spring to his eyes because it was just a dream, Magnus is there, Magnus is alive, and it was just a dream. 

“It’s okay, it wasn’t real,” Magnus says, helping him to a sitting up position, making Alec feel like it’s easier to breathe. Magnus rubs his hands up and down Alec’s arms, and Alec focuses on that feeling as he takes deep, calm breaths. The flow of air is shaky, and the feeling of fear stays lingering in the back of his mind. It all felt so real, and it very nearly was.

Magnus lifts his other hand up to Alec’s face, brushing the pads of his fingers under Alec’s eyes to catch the wetness. The bedside lamp is on, casting a warm glow to the room, very different to the harsh Institute lights that were in Alec’s dream, and it helps to calm him down. 

It still feels hard to speak, but he doesn’t need to, because as soon as he lifts his arms Magnus knows what he needs, and he’s leaning closer and enveloping Alec into a tight hug.

The hug is warm, just like Magnus is supposed to be, and it makes Alec feel comforted like nothing else.

“Shh,” Magnus hushes him as he can’t seem to stop crying. “You’re safe Alexander, it was just a dream.”

“You’re safe,” Alec mumbles to his shoulder because it was never about Alec, none of the fear he felt in his dream was for himself. 

Magnus seems to understand because he hugs Alec tighter and replies, “I’m safe, I’m here with you.”

It takes a while before Alec feels ready to let go, and Magnus doesn’t rush him. He keeps whispering calming things to his ear, keeps moving his hand in soothing brushes over his back until Alec pulls away.

“Thank you,” he says and clears his throat, embarrassment seeping in. He casts his eyes downward, to the royal blue sheets resting over his legs. He wipes hastily at his face, clearing away the tears that linger. He’s fought off monsters many only see in textbooks, fought with a greater demon and came back a winner. And it’s been years since he’s been woken up by a nightmare. More importantly, he’s never had Magnus witness one.

Magnus reaches up and brushes some of Alec’s hair out of his face, his fingers carding through Alec’s hair until they brush the shell of his ear and fall to his chin, encouraging Alec to look up.  

“You don’t need to thank me,” he says simply, the look in his warm brown eyes honest even if still a bit worried. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alec shrugs, reaching for Magnus’ hands and holding them both. He inspects the dark purple nail polish that looks black in the dim lighting. 

“It was about what happened today,” Alec says even though he’s pretty sure Magnus figured that out already. “I was running through the Institute and I couldn’t find you, and I was almost at the doors when -” he hesitates, drawing in a deep breath “- when I found you.”

Magnus doesn’t push, instead he waits for Alec to continue, his hands squeezing Alec’s in silent encouragement.

“You were dead, there were so many bodies and they were all yours and you hadn’t made it out of the Institute on time,” Alec says, and looks up at Magnus. The image is fresh in his mind and Alec tries to will it away by looking at Magnus now, alive and well and right in front of him. His warm hands are holding Alec’s in a firm but gentle grip. Alec breathes in deeply.

“It was just a dream,” Magnus reminds him, and Alec smiles lightly. Because Magnus is right, what Alec dreamt of wasn’t real, and even though it had been a close call, he had walked out of the Institute and found Magnus alive. Not only that, he had confessed his feelings to the warlock and had had them reciprocated.

“I love you,” Alec blurts out because he remembers that he can say it now. The smile he gets as a response helps clear some of the lingering fear away, and even more is pushed away when he hears Magnus’ reply.

“I love you too.”

And Alec is smiling too, the atmosphere in the room a big contrast to moments ago. They are happy, they are alive, and they are in love. Alec had a nightmare but he also has a beautiful boyfriend to calm him down after it. Things are good.

“We should go back to sleep,” Magnus says softly, lying down on the bed as Alec follows his lead. “It’s not even close to morning yet.”

Alec nods, agreeing, and watches as Magnus turns to his bedside table to turn the light off, casting the room into darkness again. 

Maybe Alec holds onto Magnus a bit tighter than he usually would as they lay under the sheets, and maybe Magnus waits until he hears Alec’s breathing even out until he closes his own eyes. But when they both fall asleep, it is to deep, restful sleep free of nightmares.

**Author's Note:**

> I used to be didnotthinkitwouldcometothis!  
> [Let's chat on tumblr!](http://sugarandspace.tumblr.com)


End file.
